i is married now, i is married now...
i keep thinking about that scene from the color purple
today for the first time i used the word "husband" in a sentence
today is also our week anniversary
we are happy and loving and kind and joyous and enjoying one another
our home is candlelit and smells welcoming
we awoke on the 12th in big sur having slept in separate cabins
i was giddy with excitement,
i kept clapping my hands and rubbing my palms together as though i had a special secret
i do have a secret
the secret i will share with you...
it is the revelation that of all the moments, and the travels and the people and the places
and the pot smoking, drinking, partying, worrying, crying, anger, frustration, throwing up
working too much, weight gain, weight loss, bad singing voice, bad black hair care, insults, masturbaters, racist fuckers, no show dates, missing in action men, abortions, junkie, co-dependent, experimentators, white, black, purple, orange, red, brown, fat, tall, intelligent, coniving, disappointming, indecisive, coco butter loving, pornography, abusive, two timing, herpe carrying, insecure, overcompensating, unreliable, low expectation having, of all the moments and travels, and people and the places, kerry and i found one another, we found each other.
we found one another and in that we found ourselves.
the morning of our wedding, i went for a walk in the woods with sheri-lu and my mom. i walked behind them and alerted them to oncoming cars. there i was protecting them and there they were giving to me, coming to share in my life on this day and i had this sweet opportunity to shield them and keep them close to me.
after the walk, we all headed to breakfast together in carmel. i had the courage to speak up and say that although the little swiis cafe might have the best waffles in town, i would prefer to go somewhere else where i migh n=honor my body and my intentions to be loving to myself that day- another secret.
as we entered the outdoor cafe, my phone rang, my sister called to express her excitment and in her voice i hear the joy of all of my friends and family wishing us such a grand day. she wanted to know every detail of what was happening. i took it in and promised to call back later.
i ordered a salad, a glass of champagne and grilled polenta. just then i received a text message from another friend who wrote me to remind me that this day was happening becuase i daired to say yes. because i dared to say yes, the universe conspired with my heart and over time, i believed that i am worthy.
so here i stand in this amazing place big sur and i feel the whole world under my feet. my silver shoes carry me towards my beloved as my mother holds my hand. she clenches it tight as i reach for kerry and in her eyes i see that she had in fact opened the door for me to step through a long time ago, it was only i that waited to step through. with her gentle touch she pressed me forward and there i stood in front of kerry.
loreen spoke of love and chopsticks and friendship and fears and go to girls and core group and such. she cried and blessed us as she read the words we had together decided to say to one another. then she turned the floor over to me, to me whom had requested a moment to share some words from my heart with kerry. my heart skipped a beat and suddenly i forgot, forgot the words i had planned to sing to him. i had planned for months to sing a song, i had labored for weeks and hours, trying to learn and remember and find the right notes to sing and there i stood with all that jelly and no bread. i took a deep breathe and kerry said, take your time baby, having no idea of what i intended.
"you're the apple of my eye, you're cherry pie,
you're cake and ice cream,
you're sugar and spice and everything nice,
you're the man of my, my my dreams
if you wanted to leave me and roam
when you got back,
i'd just say welcome home
cause nothing will ever change
this love i have for you"
i kept wanting to kiss him and he kept saying
we have to wait, wait, wait
funny i thought, i've been waiting for him
for so long...
then i planted one on him.
to be continued...
