chop chop

Sloooow down.

I just attended my first birthing class last night. It was good, really nice. I like the instructor fine, she's new and very nice and, well I have to admit I was hoping for an instant, karmic, kindred spirit kind of connection. but that's okay. She's nice and has been through 3 births using this Bradley Method. www.bradleymethod.com. she went through the intro to the class, what this method is all about, do's and don'ts and exercises to get started on.

Mandi: you know you shouldn't lay on your back, right? (in a very sweet voice)
Linda: why.
Mandi: well because the heavy uterus is pressing on important blood vessels....
Linda: well I was told just recently by a midwife that it's not a problem.
Mandi: oh, okay. well probably they mean especially in the last trimester when the uterus is REALLY big and heavy.

(later in the class)
Mandi: you all have heard about Kegel exercises right?
Us: yes
Mandi: you want to do these 50x day, at any time, driving your car, sitting at computer, watching tv, making love...(interupted by Linda)
Linda: I actually have a PT friend who is in women's health and she strongly recommends against practicing this while you're peeing.
Mandi: against this?
Linda: yes, because you're then training the muscle to prevent full drainage of urine which could lead to UTI's.
Mandi: oh. well I think we just teach that it's okay to test your strength by 'trying' it while you're peeing, but not to practice it while you're peeing.

(later in the class) the exercise: pelvic rocking
Mandi: okay, get on all fours and now tilt your pelvis under and then arch your back and tilt it the other way.
Linda: this can also be done sitting on a physioball.
Kelly (other preg mom): how do you do that?
Linda: (proceeds to slip into PT mode and explain how to do this and why it's so great).

(a little bit exaggerated on the last one up there. i actually did ask nicely if that exercise could also be done on the ball or if there's a reason why it's better to do with against gravity.)

another exercise: the Butterfly.
Mandi: sit facing your partner with feet flat on floor, knees bent. now, dads, you're going to place your hands on the outside part of her knees and gently give resistance as the moms press against your to slowly open legs and allow them to move toward the floor. This strengthens the inner part of your thigh which is helpful during childbirth.
Linda: (thinking to herself only, thank GOD!) well, actually it strengthens the outer part of the hip muscles...the abductors, not the inner part.

Okay - so I'm thinking to myself much afterwards...Linda, soften, soften, soften. Why do you come across so curt and know-it-all-ish. just let the new nice teacher teach and feel confident teaching.

She super nice. This is her 2nd class and therefore we're getting a big fat discount. and I'm sure when I let my resistance down I will indeed feel a genuine connection to her.

last advice of the night..
Mandi: Slooow down. Make time to learn how to relax in the midst of chaos. It'll do ya good, especially in childbirth.

Now that I did not argue with.

Love

tuesday, 8:22 am, long beach,

morning kiss before i leave for work...

myriam: baby, thank you so much for all you do, i love you so, so, so much

kerry: (eyes closed, sleeping mumbles) mmhhmm

myriam: do you know how much i love you?

kerry: (still sleeping mumbles through heavy sigh) mmmmhhmm

myriam: (kissing cheeks and forehead) how can you tell how much i love you? how do you know?

kerry: i can taste it in your tostados(rolls over, puts pillow on his head)

The Dream
> 
> *Sometimes a dream lands so hard
> it flattens you.
> 
> I liked it better before, you moan,
> waving my dream like a silk handkerchief,
> light and soundless above my head.
> 
> It could have been anything,
> a kite, a bird, a large balloon
> with three passengers.
> 
> Instead, it landed in your lap,
> you asked for it,
> secretly you had been reeling it in for months
> like a trapped fish.
> 
> Too big for the net--
> it loves you more than you love it.
> 
> It wants to stay here forever,
> smiling and cuddling
> in the bosom of your days.*
> 
> ~ Naomi Shihab Nye, from *Words Under The Words*

xo-myriam

Here I am...

hello sisters

far too long since i've written. my apologies FO SHO. let me bring you up to date with the myriam show in case you have missed the last few shows. in the last episode, we saw myriam working towards embracing her choice, choice for joy and choice to clarifying her vision of her life. in the midst of this euphoria, chaos descends on her solace, like a vengeful gladiator, ordered by his monarchy to annialate and conquer weaker souls. aaah but our heroine, armed with tools and lots of wine and anti-depressents and breathing techniques, rages into battle with the demons of her past, including mother/sister angst, mother/wedding angst, house buying angst, eating to live angst and lastly mother creating a new life angst. though each battle takes it's toll on her spirit, she fights with vigor to defend her she continued to rise, her sword of compassion and faith leading her towards victory, peace and joy and love her holy grail.

it's been a wild ride and mostly, i am taking things slowly with myself, bump here and there but for the most part, my heart is content. it appears that we will be home owners on may 5th. i'm sending the link for you to view via email becaus I can't quite figure out how to link it here.

recently, i did a few phone calls with an eat to live enthusiast and although i thought it would be rolling hills and bluffs, i am glad to have had the experience if only to remind myself that it's not a food thing, it a love thing Myriam. both she and my therapist encouraged me to create a list of affirmations. i did and though i have been saying them everyday, i admitted that i felt pretty detached from them. they read more like dreams really. so in a session last night, we broke it doooooooown. here's what we came up with-starting anything new typically has an end result, so for instance wanting to swim an olympic size pool. first, i start with swimming lessons, learning to breathe correctly, learning to use my legs, coordinating my arms and then practice, practice, practice. where i seem to get stuck is almost right after i sign up for the swimming lessons. well, actually no, i get stuck after the first lesson when breathing is challenging and my logic says, "you can't do this, you will drown, you are old to learn how to swim etc..." when what if i could say, hhhmmm mastering breathing isn't quite working for me this way way, let me try and figure out another way. usually what i do then is give up, surrender to the "logic", dirty bastard logic. i realize i do have the capicity to learn to do something, i just need the patience and compassion for myself to take the time to determine which path works best for me to attain my goal. don't give up the goal myriam. then the most exciting part is that as i practice, the legs start working, then i get the breathing and then suddenly holy shit i'm swimming...

as i type this and read it, i realize it's so simple the concept and wow that i am really intergrating it now. so i keep on keeping on with my goal of being kind to myself and honor that each new effort brings me closer to my goal of optimum health and self-love.

on the wedding front, we have put plans on hold and our allowing life to present it's plan for us. the searching/planning/calling/emailing/scheduling of it all started to create angst as we try to be in our joy.

speaking of JOY, we are hosting our first dinner as we move towards using our company to create change and good in the world. JOY spread the word, suppers, stories and song will be held on April 30th. The event will be videotaped and then will be posted on our site so you can view it.

love you both so much!

myriamjosephloeschen