Here I am...

hello sisters

far too long since i've written. my apologies FO SHO. let me bring you up to date with the myriam show in case you have missed the last few shows. in the last episode, we saw myriam working towards embracing her choice, choice for joy and choice to clarifying her vision of her life. in the midst of this euphoria, chaos descends on her solace, like a vengeful gladiator, ordered by his monarchy to annialate and conquer weaker souls. aaah but our heroine, armed with tools and lots of wine and anti-depressents and breathing techniques, rages into battle with the demons of her past, including mother/sister angst, mother/wedding angst, house buying angst, eating to live angst and lastly mother creating a new life angst. though each battle takes it's toll on her spirit, she fights with vigor to defend her she continued to rise, her sword of compassion and faith leading her towards victory, peace and joy and love her holy grail.

it's been a wild ride and mostly, i am taking things slowly with myself, bump here and there but for the most part, my heart is content. it appears that we will be home owners on may 5th. i'm sending the link for you to view via email becaus I can't quite figure out how to link it here.

recently, i did a few phone calls with an eat to live enthusiast and although i thought it would be rolling hills and bluffs, i am glad to have had the experience if only to remind myself that it's not a food thing, it a love thing Myriam. both she and my therapist encouraged me to create a list of affirmations. i did and though i have been saying them everyday, i admitted that i felt pretty detached from them. they read more like dreams really. so in a session last night, we broke it doooooooown. here's what we came up with-starting anything new typically has an end result, so for instance wanting to swim an olympic size pool. first, i start with swimming lessons, learning to breathe correctly, learning to use my legs, coordinating my arms and then practice, practice, practice. where i seem to get stuck is almost right after i sign up for the swimming lessons. well, actually no, i get stuck after the first lesson when breathing is challenging and my logic says, "you can't do this, you will drown, you are old to learn how to swim etc..." when what if i could say, hhhmmm mastering breathing isn't quite working for me this way way, let me try and figure out another way. usually what i do then is give up, surrender to the "logic", dirty bastard logic. i realize i do have the capicity to learn to do something, i just need the patience and compassion for myself to take the time to determine which path works best for me to attain my goal. don't give up the goal myriam. then the most exciting part is that as i practice, the legs start working, then i get the breathing and then suddenly holy shit i'm swimming...

as i type this and read it, i realize it's so simple the concept and wow that i am really intergrating it now. so i keep on keeping on with my goal of being kind to myself and honor that each new effort brings me closer to my goal of optimum health and self-love.

on the wedding front, we have put plans on hold and our allowing life to present it's plan for us. the searching/planning/calling/emailing/scheduling of it all started to create angst as we try to be in our joy.

speaking of JOY, we are hosting our first dinner as we move towards using our company to create change and good in the world. JOY spread the word, suppers, stories and song will be held on April 30th. The event will be videotaped and then will be posted on our site so you can view it.

love you both so much!

myriamjosephloeschen