Eeesh.

I've been walking around my life lately and getting things taken care of. but just barely. I've been in this crazy haze. And its this weird combination of excitement and being really really stoned. Its kind of like that feeling in your dreams when you're being chased but you're running in slow motion or sometimes in my dreams, I go to throw a punch and it feels like I'm really putting some power into it but in reality I'm delivering this extreme powder puff blow that doesn't even connect. Yeah. That's pretty much like its been lately. So from what I can tell, I'm not grounded. In past semesters....(I live my life by semesters) I've had significant amounts of time to absorb and process the goings on in my life. If it sounds like I'm complaining, I don't mean it to be. The events that need to be absorbed are things like: I'm moving to France in 5 months. whoa. moving to france....that means I must complete the following with a high degree of decisiveness and clarity:
1. contact a friend to care for smokey for the year
2. go to the french consulate - show proof of residency in U.S, 3 copies of valid passport, 3 applications legibly completed, proof of health insurance coverage that will be valid in france, financial guarantee showing bank balances, savings and brokerage account statements (Huh?), proof of sufficient income, pensions, dividends, affidavit of support from applicant's host family, police clearance!!?? stating i have no criminal record??!! (what if i do??!!)

yeah. i'm too stoned to even go on with the list you've begun reading above. and i realize this may not sound at all overwhelming to the well adjusted reader...but first ...there is soooo much more that i'm not saying here...secondly....i forgot. can you see the precarious state i'm in?? Eeesh.
But here's the thing I was thinking.
I'm going to figure out what my absolute best possible case scenario would be: including a mid-august visit with my dearest friends before I go and then I going to hold that energy and vision very close as I begin completing the very long list of to doos.....but right now i'm still stoned and trying to deliver a muscle, heart, lymphatic system exam in which i've misnumbered the 85 questions, didn't realize it until i printed out 40 copies of a nine page exam (oops) (stoner) and then i must very carefully label dissected cat muscles with sharp pins and scissors....and then plan a nervous system lecture that i've not started yet....
none of this would be bad if i felt more alert - more lucid....but no....i'm more your woodstock type these days...eatin' granola and swaying to the grateful fucking dead.
i love my friends. i'm tryning to check in. i'll come back soon. aug 13 is looking promising for a visit.
love.