little white mini van

Hello my lovely lovely amazing beautiful sisters,
These posts are fucking fantastic. Linda, those pictures are beautiful.
Myriam, you and Max are clearly great friends. You even have some of the same facial expressions.
I'm writing this post in letter format, quickly, before I leave for the day outside. It's beautiful today.
And Linda, this is primarily for you - secondarily for Myriam, who is full of sunshine these days, right up her ass - so light filled and lovely.
The point is this:
Yesterday, Mati and I went to the French consolate to see about retaining our visas for France.
Everything was status quo - for Mati. He's in - a no brainer. He has a work contract from the company and his visa will process the same day we apply. Wonderful. For weeks now, I've been dreading the French Consolate and trying to sit with the discomfort of why.
The long list of TO DOs I wrote about previously was weighing on me, but the one thing that was weighing on me the most was the financial statements stuff. Being able to prove that I am financially secure enough to live in France without working for one year - to the tune of around $30,000. (the cute little french man wasn't supposed to say how much...you aren't supposed to know - just bring in the documents...but he hypothetically told us without telling us - bless him)
Mind you, the tears were already welling up in my little disoriented pea brain as we were sitting in the lobby of the tiny little white room with others, more sophisticated and french speaking than I.
So I tripped in my cute brown boots and layered dress skirt shirt combo as we left the building. As we closed the door to the building, my tear gates opened. Big time. And when Mati tried to hug me since he thought everything was working out just fine, I said I needed a little space. And that's when I told him I couldn't go to France - that he must go without me. Because I wasn't going to France as a fraud. The paperwork said I should be able to support myself for a year without working and I have been anxious about that because its not so for me. And the one thing I know in this world that will bring me peace is not pretending to be someone I'm not. And that includes my financial status. So I gave over to the tears and they wouldn't stop coming.
Once I pulled myself together in the rent a car - which was a mini van for us - for the day, since I don't like to drive the Honda on freeway anymore. - We sat in the car and I stated my honest reality. That it is not my intention to go to France in any other way than legitimate and that's when we began talking about another subject the little french man at the consolate brought up. That if we're married, I would go to France under Mati's work visa. And so there in the littel white renta mini van, we began the discussion of marrying and peacefully agreed that we've been married anyway for a long time and maybe this is the universe's way of nudging us into what we already know exists for us.
So we are going to get married. quietly - in a civil ceremony. And I want the people on the planet who are the most important to know that. I love you both. and have not told anyway but the two of you. - and however many billion people come across this blog : )!