Woke up this morning, Needing to Clarify - Love you both very much.

Okay...so back to the ADDH or ADHADh ...attention deficit ideas.
I just need to make sure you both understand what I mean when I say a lack discipline can feel like attention deficit disorder.

The human brain and entire organism can only take in so much and yet we have inundated it with uncountable choices. Supermarket shopping, entertainment, travel, you tube movies, sports and television, computers, cars, housing, health, exercise, forming your identity etc....the choices and questions around the choices we have are astonishing and endless.

And this is good a thing. I believe that to be true. This is an extraordinary time to be alive. I feel grateful every single day to wake and have so many choices. But I think we must be aware of how this environment plays on our spirits and bodies. Because that too, is profound, and if we are unaware of how modern living is affecting our bodies and spirits, then we are only prisoners of a world we've created without knowing none the better.

So, with regards to being disciplined, which I spoke to the two of you about yesterday and this applies to me too. I often find myself throwing strange temper tantrums around not having enough time to do all the things I want to do here and how fast time is going and how I've not written letters the way I wanted to and how yes, we've joined the boathouse and I love it so much but we we're not going enough and how there are so many restaurants to try and only so many feasting weekends...and ..on and on...and these choices which are not grave but on the contrary, they are the kinds of fun choices I've never really allowed myself to have before in the name of having to make money and feel like I'm doing something productive....

The tantrum eventually transforms into that feeling of having "attention deficit". But the truth is...even as much as Mati and I have tried to simplify our days, there is that tendency, even only working a small amount of time to feel overwhelmed.
It's like a big gourmet buffet nightmare and you've just started at the beginning of the line and everything is delicious but you look down to the end of the table and your very favorite thing is down at the end...and will there be enough by the time you get there? Do you pass up all the other delicious things on your way? Should you just get out of the line and run down there and butt in front of somebody? Anxiety...in the buffet line...this is supposed to be fun, godammit!

What I know to be true is this:
After you've fulfilled your responsibilities at the end of a day and with what little time you have to choose from the countless joyful hobbies you'd like to participate in..writing, piano playing, running, watching a good film, cooking, grooming...whatever...there's very little time and sometimes you're not well rested...or possibly well exercised...or well fed and so it's hard.

So,without labeling a beautiful amazing body and spirit with attention deficit..how about looking at the bigger picture first..that's what I'm saying.

Discipline is what it takes. With the most fun things, you must exercise the discipline of giving that thing your attention...your full attention.

If you pick one thing you know you'd really love to do. Let's say the piano, for instance. You love the piano and you're so good. It takes discipline. and that's very simple because you can't distract yourself from the simplicity of "I didn't do it today, because I wasn't disciplined." It can be easier to justify not playing the piano by thinking about ways to combat the attention deficit.

Sit down and play.
and the next day at the same time, sit down and play again. and if it's only for 5 seconds, you sat at the bench.
and keep doing it until suddenly you will realize you've built yourself a practice of playing ...something that is joyful and nourishes you.

This is the point I'm trying to make:
When you give yourself over to something you love..and you practice at disciplining yourself to participate regularly in the thing...the piano, the writing, the traveling...whatever it is...YOU MUST SACRIFICE OTHER CHOICES.

That's the hard part of modern living. Everyone wants everything. It seems we should have it. It's there. The choices are there for us. But, if we're not carefully aware, we choose nothing and we get nothing, but maybe a few extra episodes of a good television program images in our brain files. And that's not bad, either. Television could be a choice rather than a default to paralysis because it's hard to do the other things.

But make no mistake, that in our world environment, it will take extreme discipline to fight for the time we love and it will take discipline to practice the art of participating in things that we love to do...that are fun...because we save those things for last...after work, after feeding everyone, after bills, after...after after...

Remember that we have had more technological advances in the last ten years than we have had in the previous 100 years. Doesn't it make sense that our organism, the human body will need some time to evolve and catch up?...Until then we must be gentle and practice.