i'll give you high quality....

fuck the high quality no, how about the high quality, unconciousness
or how about the high quality, "where the fuck are my friends"
or better yet how about the high quality...
"i am so ................ (insert any negative, mean, callous word you can think of here" or how about the high quality crying i did laying on the florr saturday night because i couldn't figure out how to make the flower thingy for my hair???"

wow, that actually felt better. i think what's happening is i'm having some serious moments of loneliness as we get closer. i think i haven't had the conversations and the blah, blah that i think one should before one marries.
is it possible that i've set too many expectations for myself? okay wait, don't answer that question. i know i set too many expectations for myself. so i'm going to take your advice and use my tools, look within to my resources and see what is going on in here, causing me this suffering.

"i'm worried that i won't look pretty"
i'm worried that my hair will be a messy terrible clusterfuck
i'm worried that kerry won't say the right "thing" to me
i'm worried that kerry isn't taking marriage seriously and that he is jsut marrying me jsut because
i'm worried that people will be disappointed when they come to the pre-dinner
i'm worried that we won't have good pictures
i'm worried that i didn't send invitations to the dinner
i'm worried that i might not say the right thing to kerry
i'm worried about the ceremony
i'm worried about what to say about our parents
i'm worried it won't happen
i'm worried it will
i'm worried that i won't get better at sex or that we'll lose our desire for one another
i'm worried about beng worried, oh yes this is my favorite worry-

"why am i worried, is my worry trying to tell me something, is there something i'm not paying attention to in the worry???"

it's enough to make a girl crazy let alone a girl feeling alone...

i just miss you ladies, although who knows maybe if you were here i would worry that you didn't want to be here.

xo
mjo