Tired of Speaking Sweetly

Love wants to reach out and manhandle us,
Break all our teacup talk of God.
If you had the courage and
Could give the Beloved His choice, some nights,
He would just drag you around the room
By your hair,
Ripping from your grip all those toys in the world
That bring you no joy.
Love sometimes gets tired of speaking sweetly
And wants to rip to shreds
All your erroneous notions of truth
That make you fight within yourself, dear one,
And with others,
Causing the world to weep
On too many fine days.
God wants to manhandle us,
Lock us inside of a tiny room with Himself
And practice His dropkick.
The Beloved sometimes wants
To do us a great favor:
Hold us upside down
And shake all the nonsense out.
But when we hear
He is in such a "playful drunken mood"
Most everyone I know
Quickly packs their bags and hightails it
Out of town.
---------------------
Me, I always want to hightail it too...but now, I'm more inclined to stick around for manhandling.
I love you both,
Ruth

i miss it..

oh - seeing that picture of our old bungalow...i really miss that time we had together in that place. you know, the one with the rolling hills behind it? it was unlike any other time and i'll cherish it forever.
-linda

"...my heart got stuck on this idea..."
*sweet lovely friend...you're heart didn't get stuck...your head/mind/ego/pain body did...
your heart knows exactly what it needs to do in order to be the best tante/sister/friend/wife/healer/woman/soul train dancer...and that is to let/create floods of joy/love into your own life...
your head/ego/pain body is the predator that preys and won't allow you to forget its existence....and that's okay...just remember it: /ego/pain body NEEDS to feed...and just your awareness..."there it is" will dissolve those thoughts....In the words of our friend Eckhart Tolle - "pain cannot feed on joy, it finds it quite indigestible" : ) but remember how the pain body will hang around, seeming to nap....with one eye open ...waiting for the opportunity to roll in on you and find ways to snack....just acknowledge it and stay STRONG AND STEADY....the light of your awareness will transmute those thoughts so they become neutral...- not necessarily a feeling of deservedness....I think to fight for that feeling is a bit of a riddle...you may not recognize that you feel deserving....when you are living your life...does this make sense?
If you are living your life, minute by minute....making your history after each breath you take, then the ego doesn't have a chance to evaluate who is deserving and who is not...its a moot point...EVERYONE IS DESERVING.....
"....why do i get to have love, why do i get to have kerry, why do i get to have gyrotonics and trips to france and friends, and joy???". this idea stayed with me through the night and into today. this morning i listenened to myself as i came to this realization. "it's not that i GET to have anything, i CHOOSE to have this life and these opportunities...."

**that's damn right, you chose to have a life FULL and FOCUSED ON LOVE AND GOODNESS...you chose to stay focused on what feels good...you do the needed exercises each and everyday...you discipline yourself to focus on the goodness in your life and the life of others...it's not always easy ....but you do that because you CHOSE it...Damn Straight -
*****and because you CHOOSE this life focused on joy and love...As a result, you are letting your light shine...and remember how that gives others the opportunity to allow their light to shine too?? They can see in your life....your life of joy and love is good for them...you have a responsibility to keep that good stuff going...it's your responsibility as a real live angel...that's your job...Ms. Myriam...your job on the planet is to enjoy your life....and that's how you are able to give in the way that you do to the children and the others....stay the course...


"it's clear to me though that this idea of deserving and claiming is where i am having a disconnect."
***this statement is an ego and pain body's way of ganging up on you...you have no disconnect...
***you don't have to feel deserving...that's a trick by the ego...don't let it fool you.
Remember: EVERYONE IS DESERVING. EVERYONE.

You just have to keep living your lovely life and find enjoyment there...you've already "claimed" your life ...or you wouldn't be experiencing the things you're experiencing...don't let your brain take over...don't take those "thoughts" too seriously....it's not serious....



just keep living and stay the course...like you have been...you are a real live angel....a real live angel...
much love,
vagina girl in france

Stay the Course

STRONG and STEADY.


a new mantra to replace 'save yourself'.

Choices

you're right, myriam. you are on to something. stay close to that 'something'. it will become more clear and stronger in your heart until the emotion that is the faint one is that of feeing unworthy of your joy.

all of this, all of what we are, what we do, comes down to choices we make. obviously some things are handed to us. melissa didn't choose to have MS. but how she handles it, how she manages it, and all the other aspects of her life - where she lives, how many babies she has - are a choice. same with your mom. the way she handles this news is a choice. she may not believe she 'knows' any other way, but she could. it's easier to stay where you are used to being emotionally. it's easier for your mom to react this way than to learn other ways she could handle it, despite the fact that it would benefit her, and also everyone else involved, especially melissa.

you are exactly right. you don't GET to have the joy in your life that you do. you CREATE it. and all you can do is be the best YOU and tante and sister and daughter and (future) wife and friend that you can be and that's it.

KABOOOOOOM!!

well, the proverbial shit hit the fan last night as i answered the phone to my mother's voice, upset with the news of melissa's impending pregnancy. i only raised my voice once as i shouted that i WOULD NOT allow myself to take on the stress of any family drama. i explained how this time is my time and yes, i have my concerns and that i have made a choice to committ to being the best tante (children need love and fun to grow)and sister i could be while still engaging in the pleasure and excitement in front of me. after a bit more discussion, we ended our call. i shed a few tears and then proceeded with my evening.

later as i started slowly unravelling, my heart got stuck on this idea..."why do i get to have love, why do i get to have kerry, why do i get to have gyrotonics and trips to france and friends, and joy???". this idea stayed with me through the night and into today. this morning i listenened to myself as i came to this realization. "it's not that i GET to have anything, i CHOOSE to have this life and these opportunities. it's clear to me though that this idea of deserving and claiming is where i am having a disconnect.

i believe i am on to something here, i would sure appreciate your thoughts as i make my way down here in the well.

This is becoming my dream....of hope for humanity...