some humor for the day...

this was in my inbox today from my friend Val...

Has this ever happened to any of you?
I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart.
The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better.
I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

my way....

that's what's playing on pandora right now as i sit here at my desk typing. i don't know if you are both aware but i've had some body image issues in the past. well, i know you know that, i guess i'm the one that's figuring it out more so. i soent the weekend alone with myself and if you can believe it, i didn't torture myself. i really listened to your voices and kerry's voice from afar telling me that rest is important and that it's okay to lay around and to sleep and to watch movies and to turn off the tv and to not get online and to listen to good healing sounds and to go to bed early and to not drink.
i've been coming into my own so to speak. trying to really understand what is important to me and how i can better value myself. it's a strange process because it requires me to really be the watcher, the watcher of my own life. it feels as thought I'm trying to befriend someone that has been living next door to me for years and yet we remained strangers. i do have the comfort of consistency's, the safety of knowing they have always been there yet, we have rarely communicated and it seems i'm doing most of the work and she is just sitting back and letting me do it. the reality is perhaps she (me) has been working all along to keep up with me.
i welcome in myself a softer, more relaxed, more loving, more comfortable me. one who takes things slowly, one who realizes that she is her own greatest priority. i see in my efforts how i really sabotage myself. arriving places late, hurrying to the final minute to get something done, adding extra stress to myself. also denying my own power pretending i don't or that i can't. it's all part of a process of stepping into my own. i'm holding on to the idea that it doesn't really matter why i've continued those things as much as. what matters is if i have the courage to change. do i have the courage to be fully present and own the responsibility of what i need to feel strong and important. owning what makes me feel comfortable and what is healing and loving to myself.
love you both so much
myriam

It's not a contest between you and the squatters and the gremlins...
They need someplace to live...
If you can accept they live inside you...
You can more easily make peace with them by not trying to force them out.
Its natural for you to have rising anxieties around life changing experiences
Life transitions are anxiety causing...there's eustress - good stress, excitement
and there's bad stress - fear
and a very fine line between them...
let the stress be the good kind...
and let the gremlins and squatters have their say and then get on with doing whatever it is that makes you feel okay...
What's on the agenda that you MUST "do"
You don't have to move FORWARD...you can move SIDEWAYS
If you decide to move BACKWARD ..you haven't lost anything....
slow slow quick quick
It's just a dance baby girl...
It's just a dance
and the good dances need different rhythms and movements up, down, forwar, backward - side to side
to be anything interesting at all...
You're okay...You're more than okay...It's a good life you live.
Let it be okay...
Get some excercise...
Eat some sweet fruit...
Drink some cool water with lemon, orange and cucumber slices
You're okay....
Resist nothing.

PS. I researched the Colipost and they say the coli is not available - that's all they say...
and all I can do is accept that answer...
and say:
Thank you from my toes to my nose for sending Love in a Box...
Thank you for every morsel of love you sent...
I feel it all the time...
I know how you love...deeply and know there's good love in that box...
I hope it finds our flat..I do...but if not...
Thank you because I still profit from the love anyway.

I love you both like the wind loves the dirt ; )

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

hello friends,

i just got off the phone with a very nice lady at the post office before i lost my shit about rufus still not yet receiving the box of goods i sent to france on may fuckin 26th. it's all okay...i know, i know.

i'm having one of those lives right now in which i find myself so overwhelmed by everything that's happening, i just don't want to get out of bed. i want to sleep all day so i don't have to move forward. yet, when i'm lying in bed trying to sleep all i can think about is all the shit i should be doing and what a shit i am for not doing them. i've been experiencing some rising anxiety which raises concern for me because it means the gremlins and squatters are winning. i can't see my way out of a paper bag right now.

i've recently started coaching again with elizabeth whom i used to coach with some years ago, you may remember. we've been talking about relationships. my relationship with my body, hair, anxiety, etc. as it turns out i'm pretty good at relationships just not the ones i'm trying to secure with the aforementioned parts of myself and to make matters more freakin confusing is that i'm also nurturing a strong relationship with cici (see see)in my head and it makes it very difficult to have clarity. i'm in a bit of a state of shock/ panic. i think i need to break up with her.

actually i think a better way to describe things right now for me are to write that i'm in the in-between stages of things. in-between two households, in-between getting my gyrotonic certification, in-between, in-between. it's most frustrating that i'm not seeming to get anything done. it's like the freakin box mailed to france, it's just out there, in the world somewhere and it feels as though that is setting the tone for so many areas for me right now. i just want the box to arrive, i want to stand on solid ground, i want to know there is order and that things are moving forward and that my faith and hope serve as guides leading me somewhere, things are not only in vain.

i'm also worried about mortality lately, mine and the people around me that i love. any chance i could go off and live in a hole somewhere and let all this pass me by? any chance you'd wanna come with me? i'm just so over thinking about the why's the why's and the how's are feeding the frenzy of squatters, like poriah on my brain and heart.

kerry heads to europe this thursday and his parents will be away as well. with any luck, i can turn this train around and have some compassion for myself and start to embrace this process and contribute in a meaningful way.

as mirabella says-

peace out

xo
myriam