my way....

that's what's playing on pandora right now as i sit here at my desk typing. i don't know if you are both aware but i've had some body image issues in the past. well, i know you know that, i guess i'm the one that's figuring it out more so. i soent the weekend alone with myself and if you can believe it, i didn't torture myself. i really listened to your voices and kerry's voice from afar telling me that rest is important and that it's okay to lay around and to sleep and to watch movies and to turn off the tv and to not get online and to listen to good healing sounds and to go to bed early and to not drink.
i've been coming into my own so to speak. trying to really understand what is important to me and how i can better value myself. it's a strange process because it requires me to really be the watcher, the watcher of my own life. it feels as thought I'm trying to befriend someone that has been living next door to me for years and yet we remained strangers. i do have the comfort of consistency's, the safety of knowing they have always been there yet, we have rarely communicated and it seems i'm doing most of the work and she is just sitting back and letting me do it. the reality is perhaps she (me) has been working all along to keep up with me.
i welcome in myself a softer, more relaxed, more loving, more comfortable me. one who takes things slowly, one who realizes that she is her own greatest priority. i see in my efforts how i really sabotage myself. arriving places late, hurrying to the final minute to get something done, adding extra stress to myself. also denying my own power pretending i don't or that i can't. it's all part of a process of stepping into my own. i'm holding on to the idea that it doesn't really matter why i've continued those things as much as. what matters is if i have the courage to change. do i have the courage to be fully present and own the responsibility of what i need to feel strong and important. owning what makes me feel comfortable and what is healing and loving to myself.
love you both so much
myriam