i've always thought of myself as flexible. after reading the above definition i believe "fluid" is the word i'd like to use here. it's an accurate and beautiful description.
dave and i are in the midst of change again. although i have always ultimately embraced change very well - even longed for it and therefore created it, it usually does take me a bit of mental mulling to feel the chains of wanting disappear. wanting what i'm about to leave behind. wanting what i can't take with me. wanting just a little more time to finish the to do list and tidy up.
after thinking and talking and thinking and visualizing, i slowly begin to picture my next 'new way of life' and slowly feel the invisible leash that is holding me to those material desires fall away. and it is freeing. it's freeing to realize that i am indeed leaving behind certain physical things...my lovely first home, my cute little town with the post office and coffee houses a block away, the yarn store from which i never took lessons to knit, the gorgeous flower shop and that unbelievably fucking delicious beyond drool bakery that is RIGHT BELOW MY WINDOW (okay haven't come to terms with that one yet)... but the truth is, and this is going to sound corny and cliche, those are just physical things and physical things can be replaced (except the bakery, that can never be duplicated, unless i move to italy or france or spain).
the truth is that i some of my most fondest memories are during periods of huge life changes or challenges. the other thing i've come to realize is that although i love what my little town has to offer, i wish it were all set in a more rural location. what i've realized is that i long for a very simple, pure way of life. inside and out. and although i know i can achieve much of that through my perspective, the cost of living here forces us, me and dave, to keep one foot firmly planted in the rat race. we did just what we didn't want to do...slowly created an existence to which we're beholden. ick. phhttt. and as dave pointed out the other day, max isn't contributing financially (free loader) but he is a really good clarifier. living in salem, ma was fun for a while, but not important enough to me anymore to continue.
i want wide open spaces and a little garden and fresh air rushing in the open door.
p.s. i was going to name this post "a little Willie" cause i'm listening to willie nelson, but then thought it would send you two down the wrong path.
No comments:
Post a Comment